my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
