I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
