great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
