he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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