I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
