I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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