my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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