Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
