do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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