So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
