i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
this hospital has no fireball
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
