If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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