Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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