Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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