Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
