I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
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When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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