Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
