There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
