i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize