Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
They have beer where we have blood.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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