I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
