my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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