Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
