Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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