I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
