she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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