apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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