Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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