apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize