the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
