Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
