My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
