You work out of a Hotel?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
