Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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