Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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