his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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