You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
