I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
