You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
