theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
