the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
