Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
