then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
