and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
