***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
