Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
