So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
