who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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