I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
