I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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