i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
