Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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