Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
