Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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