I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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