I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize