i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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