Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
