I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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