I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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