I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
