Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
