worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I believe in your delicious
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
