My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
